One Question that Will Improve Your Marriage Today

That title is a real hook, right? Other possibilities were:

• This one weird trick will make your marriage skinnier
• If you hate your spouse, don't read this
• Anything with "Ashley Madison" in it

So how long do I make you read before giving you the answer? Just one more paragraph.

I took a Biblical Counseling class in seminary, where I presumed I would learn how to fix all you people. Instead, our professor spent more time teaching us how to examine our own lives than how to examine the lives of others. This was a vital lesson which leads me to the question that will improve your marriage today:

What am I not doing for my spouse?

Now before you just switch back to Facebook, think about the question you normally ask: "What is my spouse not doing for me?" You see, when I do marital counseling, all I hear about are the faults of the spouse. I have never had the following conversation in a marriage counseling session:

Me: "So what's the problem in your marriage?"
Husband/Wife: "The more I think about it, it's me. I'm selfish and I like my own way. So I guess I am."
Me: ...........................................

Do I have any actual proof that this question improves marriages? Well it improved mine. 

In seminary I spent so much time studying for ministry and serving my church, that my family and my marriage suffered. I finally realized the problem with my marriage wasn't Nikki, it was Heathie. (No, you may not call me Heathie.) So as I focused more on how I could put Nikki's needs above my own, our relationship vastly improved. And while it's not perfect, it's pretty darn awesome!

A stranger on Periscope recently proved this when he asked me to pray for his marriage. I told him I would and shared the question with him as well. He jumped on a few days later and said it was already improving things.

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Who do spouses ask marriage counselor's to fix? Their spouse.
Who does scripture ask us to fix? Us.
("you love"..."she respects")

So seriously, what are you not doing for your spouse? 

• Listening? 
• Serving? 
• Dating?
• Sexing?
• Encouraging?
• Loving? 

Today, take a real Psalm 139:23-24 moment and ask God to help you see where selfishness is hindering your marriage.