One Question that Will Improve Your Marriage Today

That title is a real hook, right? Other possibilities were:

• This one weird trick will make your marriage skinnier
• If you hate your spouse, don't read this
• Anything with "Ashley Madison" in it

So how long do I make you read before giving you the answer? Just one more paragraph.

I took a Biblical Counseling class in seminary, where I presumed I would learn how to fix all you people. Instead, our professor spent more time teaching us how to examine our own lives than how to examine the lives of others. This was a vital lesson which leads me to the question that will improve your marriage today:

What am I not doing for my spouse?

Now before you just switch back to Facebook, think about the question you normally ask: "What is my spouse not doing for me?" You see, when I do marital counseling, all I hear about are the faults of the spouse. I have never had the following conversation in a marriage counseling session:

Me: "So what's the problem in your marriage?"
Husband/Wife: "The more I think about it, it's me. I'm selfish and I like my own way. So I guess I am."
Me: ...........................................

Do I have any actual proof that this question improves marriages? Well it improved mine. 

In seminary I spent so much time studying for ministry and serving my church, that my family and my marriage suffered. I finally realized the problem with my marriage wasn't Nikki, it was Heathie. (No, you may not call me Heathie.) So as I focused more on how I could put Nikki's needs above my own, our relationship vastly improved. And while it's not perfect, it's pretty darn awesome!

A stranger on Periscope recently proved this when he asked me to pray for his marriage. I told him I would and shared the question with him as well. He jumped on a few days later and said it was already improving things.

"However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband." Ephesians 5:33

Who do spouses ask marriage counselor's to fix? Their spouse.
Who does scripture ask us to fix? Us.
("you love"..."she respects")

So seriously, what are you not doing for your spouse? 

• Listening? 
• Serving? 
• Dating?
• Sexing?
• Encouraging?
• Loving? 

Today, take a real Psalm 139:23-24 moment and ask God to help you see where selfishness is hindering your marriage. 

The $18,000 Prayer Answer

I've been waiting 2 years to write this post.

After a difficult ministry experience, God brought our family to an incredible church in Pennsylvania. For five years I served as their Associate Pastor while I healed, learned, and built friendships that have extended beyond timezones.

So when First Baptist of Machesney Park called me to serve as their Pastor, I was ready.
But we had one thing standing in the way of a happy ending...

I had been praying for over a year that when God provided a Lead Pastor opportunity, He would sell our house. So when the first realtor told us we'd lose money and never sell by our July move date, I found another realtor. Adam also confirmed we'd never break even, but that he could get it sold.

So while I was on a mission trip, my wife endured 11 showings in the course of just a few days. I realized she was getting worn out from constantly leaving the house with our kids. After talking with her by phone, I prayed. "God, thanks for bringing so many prospective buyers. I know the house has only been listed a couple days, but would you just bring someone who will pay the asking price by the time I get home?" And He did. 

So the house was sold for what it was worth, but not for what we needed. The difference?

$18,000

You might think a pastor usually keeps $18,000 lying around for such an emergency, but you'd be wrong. So I prayed and checked around, but there weren't a lot of banks willing to loan $18,000 with no collateral. (I believe the exact number of such institutions was zero.)

Three days before we moved, I got a call from my Grandma. She knew from my mother about the money problem, and she called to loan the money. My grandma has been a hard-working factory worker all her life. I told her it was a lot of money. 

She said, "Well Heath, how much do you need?" 

"Grandma, I need $18,000."

"OK. So where do you want me to send it?"

And that was that. Grandma sent $18,000 to the bank to cancel my debt. And I committed to pay that $18,000 back to her. But how was I going to do that, and have a place to live in Illinois?

There were many factors that confirmed our call to FBC. Our background in worship and youth have been valuable here. Our kids get to serve and not just be served. And in an age where many churches don't have a parsonage, FBC did. It wasn't the reason we came, but was the final proof that God had handled every detail.

So for the last two years, I've been living in our church parsonage, while paying back my Grandma. And this week, I send the last payment! Without the parsonage, it would have never been possible.

Why didn't I share this before? I feared someone would take pity on us and try to bail us out. God is the only One who deserves glory for my story. 

1 Thessalonians 5:18 says, "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 

I praise God that He has never made a plan for my life without every detail considered. And I challenge you to pray and seek God in that tough circumstance and remember...

Just because it's tough, doesn't mean it's not God's will for you. 

Did MercyMe Get it Right?

This post changed MY mind.

The new MercyMe song had me totally grooving until they sang...

"The cross has made you flawless."

This line bothered me. Yes, I believe that my sins are covered by what Jesus did on the cross, but I worried that MercyMe had joined the Nicolaitans.

3 Quick Points on the Nicolaitans
1. They were not the Nicolas Cage Fan Club.
2. Why does every Nic Cage movie poster look exactly the same?

And without a sword...

3. Nicolaitans told people, "Accept Jesus' forgiveness, and then live how you want!"
(Jesus warns of these guys in Revelation 2:15)

So my first thought was that MercyMe was indicating a type of "accept Jesus and you're all good" lifestyle.

But I recently remembered the words of my seminary professor, Dr. Cox...

Dr. Cox: "Heath, do you know what I like about you?"
Me: "What doc?"
Dr. Cox: "Absolutely nothing."

BUT THEN, I remember the helpful words of Dr. Cox from seminary
Stop critiquing messages so hard that you miss the heart behind them.

And that's what I had done with "Flawless." 
I recently watched their music video and saw the band members express honest issues they, and others, deal with. And each time the person in the video is no longer defined by their issues, but by Christ.

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come." (2 Corinthians 5:17)

Is flawless the word I would have used? Probably not. But I have no doubt that MercyMe is communicating a gospel where people accept Jesus and embrace their new identity over their old definitions.

So listen not just to a person's words, because they are cheap things that can fall short at times. Listen to the heart.

Present or Presence?

"Holy Spirit you are welcome here.
Come flood this place and fill the atmosphere.
Your glory God is what our hearts long for
To be overcome by Your presence Lord."

I could never preach on a video screen.

While I could be present to preach to multiple congregations by video, my presence would be noticeably absent. The moment the projector goes off, I'm gone and so is the chance for my audience to get to know me and connect on a deeper level.

How can you put trust in someone who is only willing to be present?

The people loved Jesus not only for the words He said, but how He said them. He often used everyday objects around him to illustrate a deeper point. He ate, laughed, and prayed with people.

All we needed him to do was go to the cross for us. But God chose to be more than just present.

"I am with you declares the Lord." Haggai 1:13

When the prophet Haggai wrote this, the people of Israel had returned to Jerusalem following their exile, but were slow in rebuilding the temple as instructed. In this simple message, God gives two clear reminders:

1. I am present. There is nowhere you can be that God is not.

2. Welcome my presence. In the song "Holy Spirit", the writer encourages us to invite the presence of the God, which may seem silly since God is everywhere. But there is no doubt that God desires that we welcome His work and His way among us.

So while God is present and all around the life of the Christian, it's important we welcome His presence. In what ways do you need to be more faithful to seek the presence of God in your personal times of devotion?

The Only Way to Read the Bible

"A thorough knowledge of the Bible is worth more than a college education." -Theodore Roosevelt

The Devil wrote the NIV.

That's what a church in seminary told me when they inquired about me being their pastor. My refusal to preach from the KJV not only dropped me from consideration, but they sent literature to my house to correct me.

I have no problem with people who want to read the King James Bible, as long as they don't make it a requirement for salvation. 

It's so easy to make rules about the right way to read the Bible. But the only right way to read the Bible is seriously.

"Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God." 
Matthew 4:4

Yes, Bible translation is important so that we have an accurate representation of the original languages. I often recommend the ESV, NKJV, and even the NIV. But remember that these are not the words of men, but the words of God. (1 Thessalonians 2:13)

1. Pick a plan. Don't wake up and randomly pick something to read. Have a plan for what you'll read. I'm going through a chronological study right now. You can also use YouVersion which has some great theme plans through their website and app.

2. Pick a verse. After you read each day, pick a verse to think on through your day. Maybe even use it to pray. Today I picked a verse from the story of Joseph in the OT that reminds me to be a promise maker and a promise keeper.

3. Pray. Talk to God about what you read and how it should impact you today.

Last thought: If you read the Bible earlier today, and you can't remember what you read, you need to try again. Allow the words of God to influence your entire day!