5 Confessions of a Former Youth Minister

I am NOT an expert on teenagers or youth ministry. And these 5 confessions are simply some lessons I learned from a decade of youth ministry. It's not exhaustive, but may be helpful to some parents or youth ministers out there.

1. Be real, not cool. 

My first opportunity as a youth minister came at the age of 22. I wasn't much older than the kids I was teaching, so of course I thought I could be the "cool" youth minister. I didn't grow a soul-patch or start saying "dude", but I certainly failed at just being myself. Over the course of that 4-year ministry stop, my relationships with the kids grew when I stopped pretending to be a teenager.
 
2. Work with Parents, not for them. 
Youth ministers feel an incredible burden to "fix" the kids in their youth groups. We see the answers they give in Bible study and compare them to the choices they make the rest of the time. It crushes us. But I had to realize that I was only able to invest a few hours in these kids lives each week. I'm not an employee of the parents, but my work was to support the spiritual authority of parents with their teens. Make parents a part of your efforts.

3. Sheltered kids are safe kids
My children's friends have been surprised at times when my kids didn't know who Justin Bieber or Rihanna were (just doing my part America). And over my years of youth ministry I've heard kids be teased for not seeing certain movies or listening to certain music. While many call these kids sheltered, I call them safe. In my decade of experience, those kids who lived in homes where their parents attempted to shelter them from temptation have generally lived out a more vocal faith into their adult lives. This isn't true in every single case, but more often than not.

4. Be a friend and an authority
Randy was my youth pastor growing up, and he really mentored me without either of us ever knowing it. Randy had this amazing ability to be a fun friend to us, but then flip a switch and instantly become our authority when needed. If you are responsible for teenagers, act like it. Yes, some of them won't like being told "no" and they may leave. You need to decide what's most important to you: group size or group health.

5. Teach the Bible...they can handle it.
This kind of goes with the idea of what's most important to you. I've always emphasized personal reading of the Bible to teens, but then I'd interact with other youth ministers who told me what they were doing. Suddenly I was being encouraged to do this VHS series (Be kind, rewind), or teach that book. They were always fun studies, but they weren't always biblically solid or impactful. Teach your kids that the Bible is enough. Other resources are helpful, but the Bible must always be the foundation for what you're doing.

Have other thoughts in your top 5? I'd love to hear them in the comments.